We Want Our Boys Brilliant, Our Girls Gorgeous, Don't We?

Parenting is tough.  Verily, I say to thee, parenting is tough!  It’s enough to deal with the typical food-throwing, floor-peeing, sassy mouthing, neo-narcissistic toddler with whom I have sparse amount of time to mold into responsible, industrious, loving contributors to humanity.  But on top of that, we have the seemingly evasive task of guiding our mixed-race daughters in navigating a culture built on white privilege that marginalizes their appearance, history, and day-to-day experience.  Plus, we follow Jesus, which also requires us to embody values often contrary to the world around us. Yet, along with those three challenges of beloved parenthood, we get to add a fourth – fighting gender bias – that evil sexist undercurrent that complicates our upstream progress.  As a man, I can choose the luxury of “see no evil, hear no evil”.  As a responsible husband, father, Christian, and decent human being, I better see it.  And I want to.  I need to.  I have to.

That is why a recent study highlighting our tendency to regard boys above girls strikes a chord with me. The work in reference is published by Seth Stephens-Davidowitz, an economics Ph.D. candidate at Harvard, who published his research as an op-ed in the New York Times, January 18, 2014.  It ran in the Dallas Morning News under the headline, “Brainy Boys and Fat Girls”.   His study is based on aggregate data from Google search terms.  While not surprising in the least bit, his findings slap me into reality nonetheless.  Here are a few standouts:

• ·       Parents were more likely to ask about sons on every matter related to intelligence, including its absence.  Although girls are more likely to exhibit gifted traits, parents expect the boys to be geniuses.
• ·        What concerns do parents disproportionately have for their daughters?  Primarily, anything related to appearance, despite evidence of boys having a greater tendency to be overweight than girls.
• ·        In general, parents seem more likely to use positive words in questions about sons, such as “tall” instead of “short”, and “happy” instead of the more girl-common descriptor, “depressed”.

As I resume my routine throwing out the Sunday paper, I can’t but hear a muffled question from the recycle bin into which I routinely toss things that I’m done with. 1. Can I simply walk away from the issue that my girls must deal with for the rest of their lives? 2. Would I have even taken the article as seriously had it been authored by a woman? Those are tough questions. My actions, thoughts, and level of tolerance (or intolerance) henceforward will have to provide the answer.

The Juice - Week of Jan 12-18

Most Teachable Moment: Why do Christians lie so much?
"...Christians feel the need to be perfect when they're not, they feel the need to cover up.  To hide what they've done or hide the fact that they're still not the person they wanted to be by now... We create shallow lives that shine on the outside, but crumble on the inside...When I became a Christian, I did not become immune to sin, I became in tune to how desperately I needed grace."

Most Liberating: Sermon from Overland Park Church of Christ
"Freedom is not doing what you want to do.  Freedom is doing what you were designed to do." (I don't know the title, date, or speaker because I'm a bad note taker).

Swift Kick in the Rear: Culture Change at Texas

1. Players will attend all of their classes and sit in the front two rows of all of their classes.  GAs, academic folks, position coaches will be checking constantly now.
2. No headphones in class.  No texting in class.  Sit up and take notes.
3. If a player misses a class, he runs until it hurts.  If he misses two classes, his entire position unit runs.  If he misses three, the position coach runs.  The position coaches don't want to run.
4. No earrings in the football building.  No drugs.  No stealing.  No guns.  Treat women with respect.
5. Players may not live off campus anymore, unless they're a senior who hits certain academic standards. The University will buy out the leases for every player currently living off campus and put them in the athletic dorm.
6. The team will all live together, eat together, suffer together, and hang out together.  They will become a true team and learn to impose accountability on each other.  The cliques are over.
7. There's no time for a rebuild.  "I don't have time for that."  The expectation is that Texas wins now.
8. Players will learn that they would rather practice than milk a minor injury.
9. The focus is on winning and graduating.  Anything extraneous to that is a distraction and will be stamped out or removed.
10. Strong met individually with seniors and key leaders and re-emphasized that the plan is to win now. They can lead the new culture or be run over by it.
11. "I don't want to talk about things.  I'd rather do things.  We just talked.  Now it's time to do."

I Love Me Some Crazy Women!

If you haven’t come to love the plethora of groundbreaking, funny women who have conquered the last few seasons of network television, then you simply hate America!  Just kidding.  But there’s certainly something wrong with you.

I love humor. I love people.  Therefore, I love funny people.  They make me laugh.  They make me think.  They make me pay attention to the nuances of dialogue.  They inspire me to write scripts that will ultimately get rejected by said ladies.  Nonetheless, here’s my current Top 10 list of crazy-butt women whom I find absolutely hilarious, yet intelligent and powerful in their own ways.*

TINA FEY

Tina Fey (30 Rock, now defunct): La Reina.  Writer.  Producer. Actor.  Author of Bossypants.  Too bad I caught on to her show late in its run, but I found it clever and one of the best-written shows ever.  Period.  Definitely top 20.  As the beloved/behated protagonist, Liz Lemon, Fey is quirky, smart, and adeptly rolls through her comedy interwoven with touchy scenarios of race, politics, sexism, and everyone’s favorite – relationships – without the characters losing focus on what’s most important – themselves.

Mindy Kaling (The Mindy Project): witty, loveable, brilliant,

Mindy Kaling

love-obsessed ob/gyn who can’t open her mouth without making me laugh (as long as I can keep up with her frantic pace of speech).  A total screw up.  Love her.

Zoey Deschanel (New Girl): her quirkiness – you either love it or

Zoey Deschanel

hate it.  No in-between.  The look in her eyes tells you she means well whenever she ruins whatever she ruins.

Sherri Shepherd

Sherri Shepherd (no current sitcom, Newlywed Game): this one’s a dark horse (no, not because of her color) because she is really a laid back, genuine, pleasant person with a permanent smile of devilish ooze.  I’d like to see her flee from daytime talk back to the sitcoms!

Kat Dennings (2 Broke Girls): such vulnerable irreverence.  With

Kat Dennings

her, you know what’s coming, but you never know what you’re gonna get.

Melissa McCarthy (Mike & Molly): Once her show got past the obligatory fat jokes, it got wicked funny.  McCarthy possesses a soft

Melissa McCarthy

poise that quickly erupts into wild antics and clever quips that play off quite well against her co-stars.  I think she shows a certain depth, a range not present in many half-hour shows today.

Aisha Tyler

Aisha Tyler (comedienne): first discovered her hosting Talk Soup back when my hair was naturally one color.  Speaking of color, she was the first African-American and female to host Talk Soup as well as appear in a recurring role on Friends.  Nice.  She’s one of those people that I just plain like, but can’t explain why.  Haven’t kept up with her as of late.  I’m sure she’s busy breaking new ground somewhere nearby.

Kristin Chenoweth (GCB, now defunct): a firecracker with a mountain

Kristin Chenoweth

peak soprano voice.  Born for comedy.  She does it all – act, sing, dance.  And I like that she’s a Believer too.

Rebel Wilson (Super Fun Night): Hee-layer-rhee-us!  Wilson came out of nowhere and pulled no punches to hit me in the gut.  Another hopeless romantic,

Rebel Wilson

Wilson pokes hecka fun at herself and her loser gal pals and is probably the bravest person on this list for bucking convention.  She’s not afraid to show off her curves in skirt-ripping “wardrobe malfunctions” without being a size -1.

Wanda Sykes (comedienne): her tone, pace, and delivery suggest a discombobulated know-nothing with a gift for satire. You can’t help but laugh with her… and at her.

Wanda Sykes

Honorable Mention: Xosha Roquemore (The Mindy Project).  The sassy, self-assured nurse comes packed with a knack for entering the room, blowing it up, then slipping outta there.  Stitches for us all.  I would love to see her get more air time.  She’ll be comin’ around the mountain when she comes.

Xosha Roquemore

And as an added bonus…

Best Ensemble Cast: Parks & Recreation  

This is chemistry at its best.  They are like a big dysFUNctional family, but they somehow deliver the goods on what at first seems like a dull premise.

Parks & Rec, led by Amy Poehler (center)

Coming Soon: Funny Dudes!

*This writing recognizes their talent and is not an endorsement of the totality of their shows’ content.  That should go without saying, but I’m just saying.

The Juice - Week of Jan 5-11, 2013

Each week, perhaps each month (depending on how I feel and when I get to it), I am posting my favorite quotes, in no particular order.  I might have read them, heard them, or spoken them (unlikely).  They might be funny.  They might be thoughtful.  They might be weird.  But they fuel me on some level.  Hence, "The Juice".

Christena Cleveland's speech: "Loving Well Across Cultures" 
Talk is from 11/3/2013, but I just found it.  Very insightful Christian social psychologist.
"As a non-group member, I don't think about the variability and diversity within another group."
"On the Day of Pentecost, the Holy Spirit empowered not the outsider to speak the church's language, but the church to speak the world's language."

Mother Theresa:
If you really love one another, you will not be able to avoid making sacrifices.

Henri Nouwen:
What else is anger than the impulsive response to the experience of being deprived.

Florence Littauer, "Words of Kindness, Source of Healing":
Not a direct quote and it aired 12/23/2013 (but I didn't listen 'til today).  She beautifully sums up Ephesians 4:9 rather well in saying that "edifying" and "to minister grace" means "to build up...give a favor like giving a present" with our words.  Our words are to be like silver boxes with bows on top.

Littauer also says "Mother was afraid we'd be humiliated, so she never encouraged us to take risks.... Many die with the music still in them."

Gates Foundation's post "On Miracles and Justice Through Community"
The redefinition of family and responsibility for our fellow human beings is at the very heart of the Kingdom Jesus preached.  He scandalized his listeners by declaring that his mother and brother and sisters were not merely his biological kin, but included all those who did the will of God.  He revolutionized our concept of the "neighbor" whom we are to love as we love ourselves to include not just those who are ethnically, religiously, or geographically close to us, but even those who are our enemies.  Many people were offended by these teachings because they believed that Jesus was devaluing the relationships between parents and children, or between people of the same nation or religion.  Those people didn't understand him.  He was actually telling us that we owe that same level of committed care and compassion to whoever is in need of it, whether they're biologically family or not.

Larry James, "Wendy"
"She resisted shelters, mainly because submitting to their rules and routine would have meant surrendering the last vestige of dignity and self-respect that remained in her life." 

Later, after securing housing of her own, Wendy's daily visits to the streets reveals yet another insight.  "Homeless persons who work out housing, often simply cannot just walk away from their friends no matter how good their personal fortunes may have turned.  Community trumps personal progress on the streets."

Bianca Winfrey, "battle of the bulge [again]..."
"We as Christians tout being honest and vulnerable with our struggles, but mostly in retrospect.  Rarely do we stand up and say, Hey, listen, this is what I'm struggling with right now.  See, it's easy to talk about our issues once we have victory over them.  But what about the pain of being in the middle of it?  Shouldn't we share in or struggles as well as our victory?"


Charlie Strong, newly-hired Head Football Coach, Texas Longhorns
"I don't care if I was the 15th choice, I'm the head coach at the University of Texas."

Ken Sande, "Successfully Managing Family Conflicts"
"What we are to grieve are the murders that take place in 1 John 3:15.  If you hate your brother in your heart, you're a murderer.  And by that definition, every Sunday there's a group people sitting there, glaring at the pastor - some disappointment over what he's done or not done - or the elders, deacons, or someone else - murdering them in their hearts.  AND THAT GRIEVES GOD. [emphasis mine]"

Kate Harris, discussing the language of "Calling"
"Learning to see the heart of God in what it is that we're doing, no matter how ordinary or random it might feel to us.  It's watching for hints about what is the little piece of God's heart that He has set in us as His image-bearer to curate, convene, heal, clarify, or nurture, or establish order. ... The work that God calls us to is often work that heals the wounds in our own souls."

Alison Vesterfelt on missing our calling, "Are You Living Your Plan B Life?" 
What I really wanted to be was a writer, but if you asked me I wouldn’t have told you that. I would have told you I wanted to be a writing teacher. Do you see the connection there? Because I couldn’t conceptualize what it would look like to become a professional writer, I chose to find a way to express my passion and dreams within a life I could conceptualize... Writing teacher was so much easier for me to conceptualize than professional writer.  I didn’t know how to achieve Plan A, so I accepted Plan B instead.